I am completely tired of hearing people call stay at home Mothers lazy.
I have nothing but respect for working mothers! I just don't have respect for people who think stay at home mothers have it easy. It's a huge argument, apparently. This isn't an attack on the working mother. I just will not stand for someone calling any type of Mother lazy.
There are two options for mothers:
1] You work, pay someone to care for your child (their job.) You clean the house when you get home.
2] You care for the child yourself (work.) You clean the house, etc with children running around.
Both sound pretty challenging to me...
But, here's my attempt to gain a little more respect for the stay at home Mom...
This past week was delivered to me straight from hell in a toxic package wrapped in barbed wire. Okay, it wasn't that bad. It was pretty intense, though! It got me thinking about how hard the life of a stay at home mother is. Hard in a good way, no doubt... but hard nonetheless.
So here was my week:(and this is just ONE week from my crazy life)...................................................................................................................................SUNDAY-Up all night with a sick baby... Decided Monday is the day we are going to the emergency room with him!*COFFEE-Baby squirrel that daddy brought home passes away... had just enough time for us to get attached to him.-Had to explain to the kiddos why we were not equipped enough to care for a wild animal. (Note to self: Daddy gets slapped next time he brings an animal here.)
MONDAY-Daddy gets home with a "pinched nerve" and went lay down to relax it away. (My thoughts: you are NOT getting out of bringing your son to the ER!)-Daddy wakes up at 2:00 and can't move.-Change of plans. Emergency room with daddy... UNTIL 2:00 in the morning.-Enjoy a nice hospital cafeteria supper while Mawmaw watches baby.-Get to sleep around 3:00 am.-Get waken up by baby's gagging coughs at 4:30 am.*COFFEE.-Mawmaw leaves with baby at 6:00 am for emergency room.-Other children get here at 7:00... New baby starting with mommy today!-Emergency room Dr. Tells Mawmaw to "let him cough it out." (Oh, right... you mean his lung? Thanks a lot, ignoramus.)
TUESDAY-Quick visit to primary physician.-UPPER RESPIRATORY INFECTION. (getting my fists ready for if I ever come across ER Dr. again)*COFFEE.-Daddy lays in bed hurting all day with pain meds and favorite movies.-Treatments every 4 hours.-Medicine every 2 hours.-Humidifier and vaporizer.-Vicks on the bottom of the feet.-When is the last time I had a bath? Oh my gosh... that long?-Get to bed at 9:00.-Wake up with baby at 12:00, 1:30, and 4:30*COFFEE
WEDNESDAY- Daddy still out of work- Baby still coughing-SIX juice spills in less than 2 hours. Good thing the mopping was done early today!- Pay 2 of the 3 bills due Friday. Put the rest off for the taxes that will be in on Friday.-Groceries. -Someone, please, watch baby for me to bathe.-Attempt to straighten my hair gets interrupted with spit up.
THURSDAY-Oh, we OWE on taxes? Great. Can we return the groceries?-Oh, Daddy didn't get paid for the time off in the ER? Great.-Oh, what's that? Mom's turn to get sick? GREAT!-Mommy lays in bed with pain meds and favorite movies... PSYCH!-Mommy repeats everything from the past 3 days... In utter pain from her first cycle after quitting birth control. -Totally forgot we promised the nieces we were making cake pops today :o aaaaah!*COFFEE... and Advil-Pray.
FRIDAY-Spa day! Got my nails done, my hair done, I look great! What? I was dreaming? ugh Wake up, stupid.- Daddy is back at work.- Phone with IRS for 2 hours only to be told "We have no informaaaaaaaaation."-Must drop insurance on truck that doesn't work. WTH is going on this week?!?!-Baby still coughing, appointment at 1:00. SHOTS :( Preparing for a super fussy night.-Daddy has appointment at 2:30 to schedule an MRI.-Mommy's sleep now adds up to about 9 hours all this week.*COFFEE-Lost 3 pounds! Finally, something positive!- Get calls asking how daddy is feeling... how baby is feeling... and apologizing about losing baby squirrel. Hello, I'm still here... Am I in an alternate universe? Thank God for my Mother, for real.-Need to make it to DMV, IRS office, and Insurance company all before 4:30 today! (Three, two, one... one, two, three... nope, it doesn't work.)
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All of that was done IN BETWEEN cleaning, washing, cooking, practicing motor skills, reading, etc... Still don't think being a mother is a job? Stay at home Mothers (I don't mean women who stay at home while their children are elsewhere,) I mean Mothers who fully engage themselves in the JOB of being a mother... have one of the hardest duties in the world, with the smallest pay and absolutely no recognition. If we are lucky, our children will have gratitude, and that's why we decide to do it! There are times when these mothers wish we could just GO TO BED. (By the way, to this kind of mother, going to bed actually means entering a slightly conscious state where the worrying intensifies because it is now accompanied by pictures.) There are also times when we WISH we were at work, haha!
I can't help but think that it would be nice to have a coffee before work, a lunch break with pre-made meals, a conversation with at least one adult, be able to pick up a fed, changed, ready for bed baby... then get home to a house that's been unoccupied so all I'd really have to do is wash the clothes I wore to work that day, and bounce baby on my knee.
Not fun to be stereotyped, right? I know working mothers don't have it that easy! That was my rebound statement to the annoying and ignorant... "I'd love to stay home and play all day."
I don't play.
I usually have about 1 hour a day to myself when the kids are sleeping, the house is quiet, and Papa Bear is at work. I use this hour to fold clothes, watch Ellen, make out the bills, and drink coffee. I also have the hour after everyone has fallen asleep at night to sit in bed with my laptop. My quiet time (if I'm not completely exhausted.) I try to wake up early to squeeze in some workouts, but almost never actually do it. I can't get off of work, run to the grocery store, stop pay bills, maybe squeeze in a hair appointment before the daycare's closing time. Baby is on my hip for all of those! I can't get sick, take a paid day off, leave baby at daycare and pick him up at closing time after resting. Nope, nothing changes when I'm sick. My nails are never done. My hair is never fixed. I never get to wear heels. My clothes are stained. I don't go shopping. The gym? HA! I don't get days off. Date nights involve a high chair. (This is my personal choice... I could get a sitter, but we became a family for a reason. He doesn't disturb us, he completes us.) I don't get a raise for doing a good job. I don't have a superior telling me if I'm doing something wrong. I can't ever schedule anything for myself because, as you can see, EVERYTHING goes wrong. If something bad happens, I'm here and I have to deal with it. I don't get a call saying "Something bad happened, but I took care of it." In the meantime, I am a teacher, an accountant, a nurse, a housekeeper, a chef, and therapist, and a bodyguard.
"So, why do you do it if you hate it so much?"I don't want to get old and realize that I had no personal involvement in the lives of my children. I had the chance to stay home to raise my son and I took it! As much as it may sound like I am complaining, here's why I sacrifice all those things for myself: He is always clean. His nails are always cut. He has had ONE diaper rash in his life. I can answer all questions about him and his health. I witness every injury so there is no question about his care. I am in charge of the way he is being raised. I know he's eating right. I can keep up with his development. I do appreciate being able to get the housework done during the day. I've never missed a moment so far (apart from his first marshmallow because I was getting my camera.) If that's not enough to earn respect, I don't know what is. p.s. I don't hate it. Everyone I know complains about their work. There are stressful days in any job. I love being here with my son! That's not the point of this rant. I'm just tired of reading about how easy stay at home mothers have it. If it's easy, it's not being done right. Simple as that.
SO, The next time anyone wants to look down upon stay at home mother, PLEASE let me sit at a work desk for a week, instead of playing mommy and having to put up with all of that^^^. It will be the best vacation of my life, I promise! But all I'd get for it is money... not rewarding enough for me. There, I'm done ranting... months in the making. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to eat candy, watch TV, and lay on the couch in true SAHM fashion ;)
Love love love!!!! You should be famous. I cracked up, nodded my head in agreement and was exhausted by the end of my read. :) you're brilliant and an amazing mother. Thank you for this, I enjoyed it and I'm not even a mom.
ReplyDeletehahaha Thank you!! I love it! lol I've read so much about how women wish they could stay home and play with their kids all day... like WHAT?!?! lol We hardly ever get to play :o
DeleteI used this to inspire a friend of mine that is preggers. Her father thinks she's throwing her life away by being a stay-at-home momma. This made her day! Thanks love :) and, for what it's worth.. I'm happy you're a stay-at-home momma so that I can work as a single parent to support my family. What you do is a blessing <3
ReplyDeleteaaaw :) I'm glad <3 And it's you who always holds me back from going off on the working mothers who call me lazy... I see how hard you work, so I could never call a working mother lazy! haha thanks again!
DeleteIf you can afford to be a stay at home mom that's great and a luxury, but my wife does not get a lunch break, teaches 18 4 yr olds with no adult conversations, gets up in the middle of the night with our baby, and does this 5 days a week. It's not a choice. To live the life we want and provide for our family is a sacrifice. In short, the wife is ready for summer to be able to spend time with our baby which is easier than the exhausting schedule she has right now! Work is not a way out of parenting for everyone.
ReplyDeleteTo each their own. I've worked in daycares and school my entire life. Easy for me because I loved it. Much much easier than what I'm doing now. Teachers do get a lunch break. Also, staying at home and not being able to provide is just as much a sacrifice. And again, I stated more than once that this was not an attack on working mothers. I'm only trying to get the negative comments about "lazy stay at home mothers" straight. I never once called work a way out for parenting. I know plenty of wonderful mothers who have no choice but to work. They are good parents. All I was trying to get across here is that staying at home to raise my children was not a lazy choice of getting out of work.
DeleteP.S. If you do not understand the point of this post, please don't leave comments about something completely different. I do not have time to entertain ignorance.
ReplyDeleteLet me first say that you are BLESSED! I would love the opportunity to stay home with our baby girl. Fortunately, I am an Educator, I have a busy schedule but have the opportunity to have my baby girl at my school's on-site day care and have a 10 minute drive home to where my husband helps when he can (he works 12 - 13 hour days), I bring home hours worth of work to love on her at home. I think my husband (the above referred "ignorance") feels frustrated, not with you, with people judging us for not loving our child enough for me to be a stay at home mom. He only wishes my days were as blissful as the working mother that you described. So he did not feel that his post was not valid and his comment was to the conversation /blog at hand. It is about stay at home mom’s right? I understand that you post your thoughts, opinions on your blog for people to read, comment, be inspired by and they do....He has a different opinion, that's all. He did not attack your character, did not speak of your place as a mother, and did not refer to you personally at all. God blessed us with a mind to form an opinion and to question. I pray for my baby girl to form her own opinions on matters and question things often. For the record: I have been a teacher for 11 years and have NEVER had a lunch break. My break is used to do more work, hold conferences with parents, meetings with administration, mentor other teachers, and maybe get a bathroom break before rushing to pick my students up from the elective of the day. Before that, I too, was a day care worker and a nanny.…and my emersion with children is what makes me feel alive AND exhausted! I would not change it for the world! So my sacrifice (time with /without my child) is compensated for with the joy that I get from teaching and learning, with love from my school that loves my baby more than family does at times and the young minds that I get to touch. No, not equal to the joy that I get from time with her. Since she will be our first and last child, well, every moment with her is bittersweet. We thought we could not have children then lost two babies in the process of trying when specialists were doubtful. When it comes to family, yes, my husband’s opinions are very strong. I can’t really say that I disagree with his post. Moms are moms! WE should celebrate all moms that are doing it their way!
ReplyDeleteI do want to commend you on being a great mom! You obviously are doing a great job and have super inspiring skills with words, your wisdom and thoughts seem to touch many. Please keep blessing others with them.
Blessings!
Wow, i'm sorry. Sounds like ya'll have had it rough... the ignorance comment wasn't directed toward him. I left that as a comment to new readers, not a reply to his. I understood his comment completely. It just wasn't what I was trying to "prove" in my post. Like I said, I watch many many working mothers that have it very rough. In fact, I babysit for a few and see how hard it is to leave their children in the mornings. The only reason I posted this was because I was being criticized for not sending my son to daycare, when I had the financial stability to stay home with him. It was an easy choice for me, as I'm sure it would be for you... I'm sorry if I stepped on toes. As far as the blissful working mother I describe, that was me trying to be critical from an ignorant point of view in the same way people were judging me. By the way, from what I can tell from reading ya'll comments, you seem to have a very loving and caring husband. My fiance would probably agree with the 99% or people calling me lazy, haha.
DeleteThanks for your kind words about the blog :)
and apologize to your husband for me. My defenses have been up. You sound like an amazing woman and wonderful mother as well. I'm sure our children will love us no matter how we manage to take care of them, as long as it is being done.
Wow sounds alot like my weeks ( yes, plural) lol. I have had the privilege to stay home with all three girls. People do tend to think we have it so easy, we stay at home and sleep in, play all day, poke our noses, and do everything else that we would only dream of. It's hard work and unfortunately it's not for everyone. Some women don't have the choice due to being a single parent, therefore they have to work. Others can't stand the thought of being at home all day and therefore decide to work and pay the nanny. Our job is not an easy one, we have to work our tails off to make sure things stay as smooth as possible. Never a dull moment as there is always a new task being thrown out at you. All of this and still we don't get the credit we deserve (at home we do, but some outsiders might see it different). If we don't give out a fancy title when asked what our profession is, then you've accomplished nothing. Wrong, because I stay at home I have a happy functional family. My girls have learned alot more and are that much closer to me. I truly enjoy what I do (yes at times I wish there were more hours in a day and I had more than two arms). And so now when I get asked what I do for a living I say, "I'm a Research Associate in the field of Child Development and Human Relations". I work long hours both day and night, my field is of the most demanding in the humanities and a lot more challenging than most run-of-the-mills jobs. There is much more satisfaction rather than money when it comes to getting paid. And I get to work both out on the field (outdoors) and in my laboratory (indoors)." Now there does that make me sound more distinguished and indispensable to mankind than "just another stay at home MOM! Ahh, what a glorious career, especially now that there's a title on our front door! :-)
ReplyDeleteHA! I like that!! I'm going to use that!
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